


To Lay At Rest

by Pep_Squad_Levi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Origin Story, Prostitution, Trust, Wrote this before A Choice With No Regrets was released, hair cutting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 01:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pep_Squad_Levi/pseuds/Pep_Squad_Levi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After dwelling on his past, Levi makes his way to Erwin for comfort. </p><p>A look into how Levi and Erwin met, and an intimate moment between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Lay At Rest

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: So I wrote this a long time ago, back when I had very very little knowledge about sex work. I understand now that the way I've written Levi's character may be a little offensive or insensitive. Please understand that I was not trying to make a statement about sex work, and had I written this fic today, I may have been better informed. Thanks for reading regardless and I hope you enjoy it!

     It isn't often that this happens. Maybe once a month after a particularly bad expedition. One where they lost too many and advanced too little. It was days like this when Levi came back to his room, stripped off the blood, sweat, and dirt stained clothes that he wore and filled a basin with near boiling water. It was those days that he scrubs just a bit to hard on his own skin because there was no way that he could reach the stain that marred his own soul. He would allow himself to believe that the hot water would remove any left over trace of grime that was too small for him to scrub free, but he could never quite wash the imprints of their fingers off his skin.  It had been more than ten years since he had gotten off the street, but the memory is still hauntingly close to the surface of his mind. Running his hand through damp hair Levi realized that the length was reaching closer to the nape of his neck. He would have to get it cut. Another inch and it would be just long enough for a rough customer to twine his fingers through the locks and hold him in place as he fucked the boy's throat. That was a memory that he wanted absolutely no reminders of.

     The rough ones, ironically, were easiest to deal with. They were simple; they wanted power over someone and Levi was willing to sell his own for the night. There were no tricks or going back on their word because they always told him exactly what they were going to do. Best of all, it was easy to hate them. It was easy to say they were nothing but inhuman, sadistic monsters.  Even at twelve, Levi felt no shame in picturing the death of the customer that he was currently holding him against a rough alley wall.  No, it was the gentle ones that were the worst. They were the people who looked so lonely as they patrolled the streets for whores, that there was the smallest bit of pity that could be allotted to them. They were the ones that took him home and told him he was welcome to stay until morning. Often times they were older men, who marvelled not in his pain but in his pleasure. They wanted him to feel as good as they did. Maybe it eased the guilt of selecting a fourteen year old off the street for the night, but all they did was make Levi hate himself. Every moan that slipped past his lips burned in his throat, every roll of his hips made his cheeks glow with shame, for only someone who was truly a whore could find pleasure in such a profession.

     This time there were gentle fingers in his hair. Stroking his scalp, soothing him through the aftershocks, making him feel so vile and disgusting because he wanted it. He wanted someone to take him in and make him feel good and ensure that he slept and ate well at least for a night. But none of it was real. As good as he was at the job, no man ever came to him twice. There was something in not getting attached to street rats. It could not, however, quell the longing that would bloom inside Levi in the night and awaken him. It was moments like those that he hated himself most. His body screamed for those gentle touches, but he never once gave in. This was not for the pleasure of the act. There should be no pleasure in the act. This is a method for survival. This is how he kept his mother in bread. He had to sacrifice his dignity for her life and his own.

     In the winter his usual business slowed as there were fewer people roaming the streets after dark, and in the hopes of picking up a few extra coins, he would wander down to an old pub in the lower town and join in an underground boxing ring. There he would usually chat up a patron, claim that if he bet on the fight and shared his winnings 50/50 then Levi might just do something for him for free. It almost always worked but tonight no one was biting. Regardless, Levi bet what he could on himself winning the fight (betting against yourself is strictly not allowed) and entered the ring. At seventeen, Levi stood five feet, and his general lack of food accounted for how skinny he was.  Still, he was good in a fistfight and hardly ever lost. Levi accounted this to his will to survive. Winning meant money, and money meant food. His opponent stood about a head taller than him but shared his look of an underfed street rat. Levi almost felt bad about beating him; he probably had his own family to take care of.

     But there was no room for pity here. The fight lasted less than five minutes and ended with the other boy out cold on the floor. Levi pocketed his winnings and headed out, pulling his ragged coat a little closer to him. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand fastened itself to his shoulder and stopped his steps. Looking up his saw the handsome face of an officer looking down at him.

     "I saw you fighting back there,” he said carefully. Levi hesitated, half of the people in the pub had been officers, and surely he wasn't in any trouble. "I also heard you speaking with several of the others while you were in there" he continued, not meeting Levi’s gaze. Ah, so that's what this was about. This man had heard about his other profession and was now showing an interest. Levi's stomach flipped. He really was not looking forward to servicing anyone. He was sore and tired and the nagging feeling of disgrace had been particularly sharp today. But the money was needed. Smiling slightly, Levi turned to fully face the officer.

    "I'm sure we could arrange something...” he said looking up from under his eyelashes and reaching to place his hands on the taller man's hips. To Levi’s surprise and overwhelming relief the man took his hands off and took at step back.

     "You don't have to do that," he said softly, "I'm not here for that" and suddenly the shame was too much. It crawled up Levi’s spine making his face grown warm and his eyes spill over.

     "But that's all I can offer you... " He said trying to regain some composure as he furiously wiped his eyes, "that's what I can do for people like you." More sharply than ever, Levi felt exactly how young he was; a seventeen year old kid with no means of survival other than to sell his innocence to strangers in the dark.  His work was all that he was. Levi truly believed there was nothing more to him than the street-walking child-whore.

    “My name is Erwin Smith. Look, I wanted to ask you if you’d consider joining the forces,” The other man said quickly, perhaps only in an effort to stop Levi’s rapid change of pace. He lifted his head.

     “The forces?” Levi said incredulously, “Why the fuck would they want me?” Erwin sighed and ran a tired hand over his face.

     “The Recon Corps… I won’t go so far to say we are desperate, but very few recruits have joined us this year.” He paused and tugged a bit at his jacket, “We could use you.”  Levi hesitated. He had considered joining the Corps long ago, when he still had time to think about his future. “You’d get off the streets, have a place to stay, and you would have a…” Here he paused and searched for words, “More honourable profession.”  Levi lifted his chin and met Erwin’s eyes.

     “Honourable? More honourable than whoring for a living?” He responded.  Erwin only looked at him.  “So you assume that I could just join the Recon Corps and my problems suddenly disappear?” Erwin’s face grew cold, but Levi continued anyway, “You think you’re some grand soldier coming down from on high to rescue a poor, street rat prostitute? Well, fuck you and your high and mighty act! I’ve serviced more of your soldiers than anyone on these streets so don’t talk to me about honour!” Silence rang after this outburst. Levi tightened his jaw, and continued to stare defiantly back at Erwin. For a moment Levi was worried that the man would strike him, but he just dug his hands into his pockets and answered him calmly.

     “I’ll be in the city for two more days. Ask for me at the headquarters if you change your mind.” He pressed a few coins into Levi’s hand, “For your troubles” he said. Then turned and disappeared into the darkness of the lower town. Levi stood for a few minutes, just holding the coins. He desperately wanted to throw them on the ground and scream that he didn’t need anyone’s pity, but the truth was that he needed the coins. He had no room for pride, no room for dignity. Survival was everything that he had.  Taking a shuddering breath he started in the direction of home.  

     Levi quickened his step, hoping to get home and crawl into his bed near the fire as soon as possible.  In the morning he would give the money he earned to his mother. She would be pleased to have the extra coins, but her smile wouldn’t reach her eyes. Though Levi had never told her directly of how he made his earnings, he was sure she knew. He had once or twice considered lying and telling her that he had found a job, but there was no point. There was no hiding where he went out to every night. He shrugged his jacket up around his neck in an attempted to keep the wind from chilling him down his back. He rounded the corner, expecting to see the shop that he and his mother lived above. Instead he saw a crowd of people gathered around the still smoking ruins of what was the building.

     Levi found himself frozen in place, staring ahead, catching bits of the crowd’s sorrowful words. He heard something about  “a terrible accident” and “the poor woman didn’t have a chance.” Coming back to himself, he ran forward, pushing the crowd aside, crying desperately for his mother.  Hands grabbed at him, holding him away from the edge of the ruin.  Words like “she’s already gone” and “it’s not safe to go in” were meaningless to him. He fought against them. He was strong, it should have been easy, but the hands held fast. For some reason his body wasn’t responding to his mind. It was hard to move, it was hard to breathe. Levi didn’t realize that he was crying until he felt the rawness of his throat. He slumped to the ground. The people released him, his energy spent.  He knelt on the flagstones, sobs wracking his frame. How was he supposed live now? His mother dead, his home gone, his belongings destroyed, there was no hope for him now. There was no way he would survive the winter on the streets. Getting a job was impossible, with his age and standing.  He clenched his hands and pushed himself to his feet, scrubbing at his eyes. He took one last look at the remnants of his home before turning his back on the scene and ducking into a nearby alley. He leaned against the wall and tried desperately to calm his breathing.  In an effort to stop his hands shaking, he drove his fists into his jacket pockets. His fingers curled around the coins he had placed there.  Still shaking, he drew them out and studied the coins in the light of the oil street lamp. The officer’s words came back to him. Could he do it? This could be his only chance at survival, but giving up his freedom? Dooming him to a life of following orders and gruelling conditions? After all, was it even worth it?

     A sharp wind blew down the alley; cutting through his jacket and making his bare fingers turn numb. In that moment he made his choice; he was going to live. He pocketed the money and took off running.  His feet caught on the cracks in the road but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop. If he stopped, he was afraid he would give up, crawl back into his alley, and allow himself to freeze over. He ran, his lungs burning, through the inner city. He pushed people aside, ignoring their cries of indigence, until he reached the military headquarters in the outermost district of Sina. Panting, he climbed the steps and heaved the door open.

     His shoes made little noise on the wooden floor, but each step left a small trace of grime as he walked up to the officer sitting at the front desk. He lifted his chin as he drew close and tried to look less like a dishevelled child.

     “Erwin Smith please,” He said, annoyed at how scratchy his voice sounded. The officer looked down at him in surprise, having not noticed him. “I’m here to see Erwin Smith.” Levi said again, trying to steady his tone.

     “His quarters are down that way,” The officer said, pointing down a hallway, “Third door on your left.” Levi turned and walked down the hall without saying thank you. This was not his first time here. Many officers had brought him back to this very building for far less innocent purposes and he had not missed the sceptical eye that the officer had given him as he gave the directions. Perhaps he recognized Levi for what he was, but it didn’t matter. That wouldn’t be his identity anymore. His hand shook as he knocked on the door. He fidgeted in the doorway, pulling at the loose threads of his jacket. He had never been afraid of anyone before, but the state of freefall that he was in, the fact that he no longer knew where he fit in the world, was terrifying.  The latch slid back and the door swung open to reveal Erwin, still dressed in his full uniform despite the lateness of the night.

    “I-,” he swallowed, “I want to take you up on your offer.” Erwin took in the sight of the pitch staining the knees of his pants, the tear tracks through the grime on his face, and pulled him into the room. Standing in the brightness of the lamp that Erwin had placed on his desk, Levi felt very small, and incredibly dirty.

     “What happened to you?” The question was asked with such sincerity, such warmth that Levi was caught off guard. He had thought Erwin would put his name in the books, show him to where he would stay until he could be transported to the outer walls, and be done with it.

     “What do you mean?” Levi tried to ignore the emotion that resided in the back of his throat. Erwin narrowed his eyes.

     “Earlier, you told me to go to hell. You had no intentions of joining the Recon Corps.” He said, calmly “So what happened to you to make you change your mind?” Levi shrugged. He didn’t have to explain himself to Erwin. He didn’t owe Erwin anything; the man had approached him for selfish reasons after all. There was no obligation between them. Erwin sighed and turned to the desk, drawing a large book from under a pile of papers. He selected a pen, and opened the book.

     “I’m going to need your name,” He said, looking expectantly at the shorter man.

     “Levi.”

     “Last name?” He said, scrawling the name onto the page.

     “I don’t know.” Erwin lifted his head. “I don’t know who my father is.” Levi supplied. Erwin nodded before writing something else.

     “We’ll give you the name we give every bastard,” he said grimly, “Smith.” Levi fidgeted with the sleeves of his jacket. Levi Smith, it would do.

     “How old are you?” Erwin asked, moving on to the next line.

     “Seventeen,” he answered. He was feeling more and more uncomfortable. He was signing his life away and he didn’t even have a whole name to put on the contract.

     “Alright,” Erwin said after scribbling a few more words and closing the book, “I’ll loan you some clothes and you can stay here the night. We’ll head out tomorrow.” Levi stiffened as Erwin opened his trunk and retrieved a large shirt.

     “I’m not whoring for you,” Levi said coldly, “Don’t think I ever will.” Erwin paled as he turned back. He looked offended and shocked that Levi would even suggest such a thing.

     “I didn’t mean-“ he began rather frantically, before taking a breath and continuing, “I didn’t mean to suggest that I would ask that of you. I meant you could stay here with me. I have a lot of paperwork to get done and don’t intend to sleep tonight. Or do anything else for that matter.” He finished coldly. Levi scowled and refused to meet Erwin’s eyes. It hadn’t been wrong to assume that Erwin wanted something else, had it? Erwin’s behaviour contradicted almost everything he had learned on the streets. After a moment of silence, Levi held out his hand and accepted the shirt, turning toward the corner to change. Erwin sat down at the desk his back to Levi. He slid his worn shirt over his head before donning the shirt the Erwin had given him. It was softer and made of a more fine material than anything he had ever worn. He ran his hands over his arms appreciating the feel of the fabric. The shirt dwarfed his frame, falling almost past his knees and shrouding him in warmth. He removed his shoes and pants, folding them and placing them in a pile on top of his shirt. He carried the pile to Erwin’s trunk, putting it on the lid. He looked at the bed warily before looking at Erwin.

     “You are sure that I can stay here?” Levi hadn’t meant the question to sound so meek, so feeble, but he was tired and cold and the bed looked so inviting. Erwin turned his head and surveyed the boy before him.

     “I’m sure,” He said without any hesitation, “Goodnight, Levi.” Levi stepped forward and crawled beneath the blankets. He lay on his side eyes fixed on the door. He still didn’t trust that this would end well, and he certainly didn’t trust Erwin, but this was how he was going to survive. Levi would do anything to survive. 

     He had intended to stay awake for the whole night, not letting his guard down, but the toll of the events weighed so heavily on his eyes that it wasn’t long before he had tumbled into sleep.

     He awoke gasping, his throat burning. The remnants of the dream were still pulling at his subconscious. In his minds eye he could see his mother being dragged away from him while anonymous hands held him down. He could smell smoke, hear the loudness of voices crying in shame and grief. He felt hands on his body again, but these were different. They held his shoulders, grounding him in the waking world. He opened his eyes to see Erwin, his brow furrowed and his eyes panicked.

     “Are you all right?” His voice betrayed tiredness. Levi couldn’t answer. His voice wouldn’t obey him. He just sat as still as he could, trying to calm the tremors that wracked his frame. “Are you okay?” Erwin said again. Levi couldn’t help himself.  He burst into tears, falling forward onto Erwin’s chest. His shoulders heaved, his breath grew ragged, and he fisted his hands in Erwin’s shirt holding as tightly as he could.  Erwin didn’t start when Levi broke down. He had comforted many new recruits over the years. Sighing, he wrapped his arms around the shuddering form before him, holding him against his chest. Some part of Levi’s mind screamed to let go, to push Erwin away. This was not strong, this was not what he should be doing, and after all he’s far too old to cry. It was so warm in Erwin’s arms though, that he couldn’t help but allow himself this moment of weakness. He clung to Erwin’s shirt sobbing bitterly into his shoulder. Erwin continued to hold him, tracing patterns on his back. They remained joined like this until Levi’s breathing calmed and the flow of tears slowed. Erwin then released his hold and placed his hands on the younger man’s shoulders, keeping him at arms length to look into his eyes. Levi refused to look up, humiliation coursing through him. He had lost control like a child. Erwin moved away after a while and returned to his seat at the desk.

     “Get some rest, you will have a busy day tomorrow.” He said, picking up his pen and continuing his work. Levi turned his back to the other, feeling shame burn on his cheeks. Still, he was grateful for what Erwin had done. He was grateful both for the comfort he had given and the fact that he did not ask any explanation from Levi. In the back of his mind, Levi made a dangerous decision. He was going to trust Erwin. There was no one else in his life other than this man. In order to survive, he had to put his total faith in the abilities and kindness of a stranger. It was frightening, but Levi found a certain peace in giving up his control. His life was no longer in his hands. For the first time, he could lie back down in bed and not have to think about how he was going to make it through the next day, because Erwin was there, and Erwin wouldn’t let him die.  He fell asleep to the sound of Erwin’s pen scratching against the paper and slept the rest of the night.

     Coming out of the memory, Levi noticed that the bath water had grown tepid and he shivered despite himself. Gingerly stepping out from the basin and reached for the towel he had placed to the side. He winced as the cotton rubbed against his raw skin, the sting reminding him that he was still dirty, no matter how hard he scrubbed. Pulling on his clothes, he drew a pair of scissors and a razor from his desk drawer, and left his room. He walked the halls not bothering to speak with anyone he passed, until he reached his destination. He entered his commander’s room without knocking to find Erwin sitting at his desk, composing what were undoubtedly notifications to the families of the soldiers they had lost today. He looked up, having heard Levi enter, and set his pen down.

     “My hair’s getting too long.” Levi said simply, walking over to his superior. Erwin laughed softly and stood, brushing Levi’s bangs out of his face with a gentle palm.

     “Sit,” he said, knowing full well Levi had come here for more than a haircut, “I’ll take care of you.” Levi avoided Erwin’s gaze and seated himself in the now empty desk chair. Erwin walked over to his nightstand and poured water from his pitcher into the basin. “How short do you want it?” He asked, placing a bar of soap in the basin and carrying it back to the desk.

     “Just the back needs trimming,” Levi mumbled holding out the scissors and razor.

     “Your bangs need to lose a bit too.” Erwin countered, accepting the blades and taking a comb from the desk drawer, “You need to see to fight.” Levi gave a non-committal noise. Erwin chuckled running his hands gently through the dark crop of hair, working loose some of the most prominent knots. Levi kept his hair in good condition, but it was impossible to avoid tangles when fighting with manoeuvre gear. “You always had such lovely hair,” Erwin mused, beginning to drag the comb slowly, drawing the hair back from Levi’s brow. Levi was thankful that his head was bowed, because he could not stop a light blush from rising to his cheeks. Erwin had paid him compliments such as these, and many far more intimate ones, throughout the years they spent together, but still they forced their way through the cracks in his defences and made his face grow hot. Perhaps it was the way that Erwin spoke so honestly. The words he said were fact, certainties that were not to be questioned by any insecurity. The commander hummed quietly as he continued his work, ignoring the blush that steadily crept up Levi’s neck. Erwin began by cutting the back, letting slivers of hair fall freely to the floor. When the length was short enough to satisfy Levi, he withdrew the soap from the water and ran it gently over the back of Levi’s neck with practiced ease. This was hardly the first time he had been asked to cut Levi’s hair. The younger man had hated the idea of someone he didn’t trust having close access to his neck with a blade, so Erwin had been given the task of making Levi look presentable.  The first time he had done this Levi had whined a great deal about cutting the back short. Erwin didn’t bother to ask why he wanted it that way, but it remained true to this day.

     Over the years, it became routine. As they learned to trust each other and even to enjoy each other’s company, the more they spent time off duty together. Everything they needed, they found in each other. Companionship, trust, and eventually love was shared between them. Five years after they had met, their gentle moments of tenderness became more intimate. Neither Levi nor Erwin can recall which one of them initiated their first kiss, but they remember the feeling of desperation, the taste of salty tears on each other’s lips, and the smell of pitch in the air from the funeral pyre of their fallen comrades in the courtyard far below their window. They had made love that night, slow and full of need. The air was heavy with promises and confessions whispered against skin. Their bodies moved on impulse, acting out of need. Erwin remembers clearly how Levi’s back arched and his small frame shuddered as he came, tears leaking from his eyes in a rare display of weakness. Erwin never intends to forget that image, keeping in mind that he was equally as wrecked and euphoric in his moment of release.

     Coming back to the task at hand, Erwin gently ran the razor upwards, catching the small hairs on the nape of Levi’s neck and leaving him with a clean hairline. He placed one of his hands on the crook of Levi’s neck to steady himself, his thumb gently sweeping across the younger man’s jaw.

     “I was thinking about before we met,” Levi began, knowing that no preamble, no explanation was necessary, “About how filthy I was.” Erwin made a noise of protest but Levi silenced him with a wave of his hand, “Please, let me finish,” He continued, “I was thinking about how awful my life was, and how disgusting I was then. Then you came and you… you made me clean.” Levi could feel the blush creep up his neck, but he couldn’t care less. He needed to say this. “I… I try to remember that but,” Levi swallowed, “But when my friends, my comrades, are lying dead on the battle field and I’m-“ His voice trembled very slightly, but it was enough to make him stop and desperately try and collect himself. Erwin lay the razor down on the desk and walked around to face Levi. 

     “Levi, you don’t have to be strong in front of me.” Erwin kept his hand on Levi’s shoulder, keeping them both steady. “What’s troubling you?” Levi refused to meet his superior’s gaze. 

     “I’m alive.” He said finally. Erwin’s brow furrowed hearing Levi’s voice sound so detached. “I’m alive and they are not,” Levi continued, “and I don’t deserve to be alive any more than they do.” He sighed, “Less even.” Erwin cupped the back of Levi’s head tilting him forward in order to press a light kiss to his forehead.

     “Don’t say that…” The commander murmured.

     “It’s true though,” Countered Levi, as he felt his eyes burn with the beginnings of tears “if I can’t save them, then I am no better than I was before. I’m just as useless, just as worthless as I was before!” His voice broke and hot tears squeezed their way out of the corners of his eyes, “I-I thought I had a purpose here! To serve, to protect people, to make sure that they got back to their families! But if I can’t even do that, then what good am I?” Levi hated how small and frail he sounded. It reminded him exactly how little power he held over his own fate let alone the fate of others. Erwin gently brushed the tears aside with the tips of his fingers.

     “Hold still,” He said softly, “I still need to do your bangs.” Levi took a shuddering breath before lifting his chin and shaking his damp locks forward. Erwin picked up the comb and moved the scissors closer. He rested, almost perching on the desk as he ran the teeth of the comb through the dark fringe.

     “Everything you did before,” He said, beginning to trim the hair, “You did because you needed to survive. There should be no shame in that.” He continued slowly, ensuring that he cut a straight line. “As to the deaths of our comrades, I can tell you nothing more than what you already know.” He tilted Levi’s chin up to meet his eyes, “None of that was your fault. The soldiers we lost knew what they were doing. Don’t sully their sacrifice by beating yourself up.” He brushed slivers of hair off Levi’s cheek, making sure to catch any tears that slipped out as they spoke. “Now, don’t move…” He began to cut the other side of Levi’s bangs, measuring with his fingers to ensure that both sides were equal. Levi remained silent throughout the process, though his breathing was ragged and his eyes distant. Erwin finished, laying the scissors back on the desk.

     “There.” He said, cupping Levi’s face between his hands, “You look like yourself again.” Levi turned his head, pressing his lips gently against Erwin’s palm. The two of them stilled sharing an intimate silence, before Levi stood and wrapped his arms around Erwin’s chest. He was surrounded, enveloped in the musky warmth that Erwin provided. Cradled gently against his lover’s chest, Levi felt small. He felt small enough to disappear into oblivion and leave the anguish of his life, his duty behind. Erwin’s hands never stilled, dragging patterns across his lover’s back and threading through his hair.

     “Erwin…” Levi’s voice was muffled, but Erwin understood. Without a word on his part, Erwin leaned down and kissed the smaller man’s lips. They moved as one, eased by years of practice, until they broke, collapsing into each other in desperation. Tears mingled with sweat as they devoured every ounce of comfort made available. Levi latched his mouth onto Erwin’s neck, drawing blood to the surface and a low growl from his partner’s throat. Erwin’s hands lay heavily on his shoulders, grounding him to this moment. Levi lifted his head as Erwin leaned forward again, bruising their lips together before trailing his mouth up Levi’s jaw. He pressed feather light kisses to Levi’s cheeks, his temple, his trembling jaw, his dampened eyelids.

     “You don’t need to be afraid,” Erwin murmured, his fingers tangled loosely in Levi’s newly shortened hair. Reluctantly, Erwin broke the heat between them held Levi at arms length. He looked his lover over, taking in the sight of his swollen lips, his weary stance. Most of all, he looked at the slow rise and fall of Levi’s chest. Levi was alive, and Erwin was so incredibly grateful. Levi stood very still, his eyes still closed, waiting for Erwin to caress him, to ask him for a night of distraction, which, of course, he would provide.  He would not deny Erwin anything. He remained still as Erwin lifted Levi’s shirt above his head and began to unbutton his own shirt, sliding it off his shoulders. Levi still couldn’t open his eyes. The weariness weighed on him so heavily that he made no noise of protest as Erwin hooked his thumbs under the waistband of Levi’s pants revealing his body completely. Levi shivered as he felt Erwin move away, no doubt to remove the rest of his clothing.

     Levi’s eyes opened in surprise when he felt one of Erwin’s far larger shirts slide over his head and encase him in warmth.  Erwin watched as Levi slid his arms through the sleeve of the shirt. On any other night he would have slid his hands across his lover’s skin, drawing primal urges from both of them, allowing them peace of mind through the release of the flesh. Tonight, however, their bodies ached and their minds were weary. No comfort could be found except in the tenderness of the embrace they would share. Erwin stood before Levi, still clothed in loose fitting trousers before moving forward and laying his hand gently on the Captain’s cheek.

     “Erwin I-“ Levi began, but Erwin silenced him with a chaste kiss.

     “Not tonight… Please,” Erwin whispered, softly, “Not tonight.” Relief flooded Levi’s being.

     “Thank you,” Levi answered. They were both too drawn out, too grief heavy to put aside their troubles and enjoy themselves. In tandem, they moved toward each other, joining at the hands and walking to their rest. Erwin drew back the blankets that covered his bed ushering Levi in first, despite his grumbles about the bed being cold. Erwin followed, curling himself around Levi’s back. They remained slotted together, hands clasped, Levi’s icy foot resting on the warmth of Erwin’s leg. Erwin buried his nose in Levi’s hair, inhaling the soft smell of soap. Levi grumbled something unintelligible before quieting and lying still, his breath puffing lightly across their joined hands. Erwin fell asleep shortly after, soothed by the gentle rhythm of their breath.

     The next day there would be families to consol, soldiers to comfort, funerals to attend, but now there was nothing expected of either lover. They demanded nothing of each other. In sleep they were freed of the duty that weighed so heavily on young shoulders. At peace together, Levi and his commander could sleep. If only for a night, they could rest.

 


End file.
